When a woman first finds out she is pregnant, a lot of things swim through her head. I remember my first reaction quite clearly. Number one, I am having a baby (mush mush). Number two, what the hell have I gotten myself into (push push). Number three, how in the f*** am I going to stop cursing in nine short months?!?!
With a bit of work, I was able to limit my four letter words to adult time only by the time Violet was three months old. Of course I substituted PG phrases, but what's the harm really? I first caught glimpse of the harm when my friend and I were hanging out a few years back. Her two year old at the time shouted out "Oh Crap!" I actually gasped at the expression as if I had never heard such offensive language in my life. Who'da thunk crap would sound so bad.
Trying to learn from my excellent friend's experience, I watched my every word around the kids. "Crap" was nowhere to be found in my vocabulary. S***, f*** and d*** were way off limits.
Earlier this week, Lily asked me if we were "flippin' late again?!" Deep sigh. Looking back at all of the things Violet has spewed since the word "dada" first emerged, I can't imagine what kind of landslide I have in store for me with Lily. Let see, with Violet we had "hey mom, this water is freakin' hot," "are you just going to let that freakin' baby cry," "I'm not going into the bathtub with that fool," and to our new neighbors..."our dog is freakin' crazy."
I was so proud of myself for eliminating the word "freakin'," not even realizing that I had replaced it with "flippin'." Should I try to redeem myself with baby Ivy, or just hand-pick her offensive term? I could try "friggin'“or give her a bit of a British flair with "blasted." At least then I won't be so surprised when my beautiful baby girl's mouth matches her cute little sailor dress.
I can see it now...Matt Lauer asks my kids what they think about their mommy being named MOTHER OF THE YEAR! Violet says, "There is no mom out there freakin' better than my mom!" Lily says, "Yeah, she's the flippin' best!" Ivy wraps it up with one word..."fool!" I guess I ought to find myself a new goal in life.