Saturday, January 14, 2012

Man…I feel like a Woman (Published in Tickled Pink)

Gotta love the annual GYN appointment, eh?  I went to see a new doctor today.  My husband referred me to him.  I know...weird already.  When I meet the man, he says "so we have a Sams here!"   Double weird.  I also notice that he does not meet my normal "ugly old guy" criteria and make a mental note to give Doug crap for sending me to a hot gynecologist.  I don’t know why that weirds me out, but it does.  Thank God the man meets his new patients fully clothed in his office first. We take a break from the abnormal and talk normal GYN smack talk.  That’s the end of normal.

I go into the examination room and strip down.  I am sitting there naked twiddling my thumbs when Shania Twain’s "I Feel Like a Woman" starts playing.  I of course laugh out loud, hoping no one is near my door to hear.  The hot doc walks in to a classic Chicago love song.  I swear I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

Moments later he asks me if I have any problems with incontinence.  I would much rather have this conversation with my unattractive wrinkly doctor.  Having an 8, 9 and 10 pound baby did do some damage to my bladder, but I let him know that I was fine as long as I didn’t wait until I needed to pee really bad.  Even then, it was like a drip not a gush!  That was not good enough for him.  He suggests physical therapy.

Is this some sort of joke?!?  Only I would need physical therapy for my hoo ha.  Why does this kind of thing happen to me? When I told Doug about the referral, he said he wasn’t surprised because Dr. McNotOldOrUgly specializes in pelvic floor problems.  I’ve decided Doug has been noticing a new post-pregnancy aroma.  I plan to get rid of any of my friends that thought I smelled like piss and failed to fill me in!

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